The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
