We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
