you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my poor anus
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM