umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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