I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
