i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
