He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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