You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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