I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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