the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late