I wanna bring you to show and tell
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there