I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.