I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it hurts more in the daytime
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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