i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
