the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
