You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dick very happy bro
I deserve this hangover.
try to milk me bitch
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