im holly from the hills drunk
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize