The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
