My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
