I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
