And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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