you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
