in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is my gift to your gina
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
