Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
