Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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