I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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