so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
