I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
