True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Green mimosas i think yes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
