This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
