Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
