and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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