The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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