It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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