you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
