I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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