i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
