found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
