Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
