i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
