I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
