You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
