Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
