wakey wakey hands off snakey
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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