guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
