do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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