Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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