I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
