He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
