i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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