How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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