It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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