wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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