He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
