Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
