Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
