Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
