i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My breasts were aching with rage.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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