I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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