My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
