so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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