My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
