I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
