His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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