I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
