Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
